speechless

Sitting here with a glass of wine, the pup curled up beside me, Riders on the Storm playing in the background. I have an exquisite backgammon board tucked at the other end of the settee. Cherry, with an inlaid leather playing surface. Built-in tracks and cubbies for the pieces and dice. I am preparing to head out for the evening, with no particular place to go, meeting up with a friend at some point along the way. But what would be a perfect evening on a chilly winter night like this? To find someone to curl up at the other end of the settee, help me through the wine, playing backgammon, enjoying some classic Doors, all the while speechless.

The ability to be quiet is truly underrated by society, particularly with respect to romantic partners. I don't need someone to talk to. The dog is a good listener; why would I replace that with a person who will judge, give unsolicited advice, or ramble back at me. My closest friends and I don't even need to say anything. The important things are just understood, as are the routine. The stuff in the middle can make for entertaining conversation, but doesn't have to. It's that insatiable urge people have to fill silence with ricketa-racketa, with anything at all, that simply wears me down and drives me back to the solitude and quiet of my boat.

But when someone suggests meeting up for a drink, am I to say, "OK, but we don't have to talk do we?" (Yes, I'm laughing at that, but I'm also quite serious.) Maybe I just want to be out in the world, have a drink at the bar, but sit back and watch. Maybe I don't want to have to come up with conversation or try to stay attentive to some guy's story about... whatever. This isn't solely about romantic partners by any means, but with respect to them I can tell you guys don't "get" girls with anything they say. A girl has decided within about 30 seconds max whether a guy is that kind of material; it's a pheromone thing. If a guy then says something stupid it may kill his chances, so he's honestly better off staying quiet. I bluntly (or cruelly, depending on your perspective) categorize guys immediately into the "fuckable zone" or the "friend zone." Honestly, it isn't even an overt or conscious sorting. But let me just reiterate that the "friend zone" is like Hotel California... you can check in, but you can never leave.

But back to the point of this rant... words are not what companionship, love, or friendship are about. They can't create any of those things, but they can destroy them. I'm not saying I hate words; writing is one of the only things I do well, so I have to be thankful for words and the outlet they provide me. But they are overused and abused. I have a draft post I'll have to finish up on love letters. Short, sweet, honest, and passionate; that's what words should be. But I'll still be looking for a free spirited guy who can look in my eyes and not need to say a thing.