I tried, but failed, to find a good YouTube version to share here of John Brown's Body's song 33 RPM, which begins with the lyric "33 revolutions of the sun," in honor of my tentative decision to maybe turn 33 today. 28 is my favorite Steppenwolf song, but these past few years being 28 have not been good to me.
Today I so miss my father. He once ordered everyone to gift me a bunny rabbit of some kind for my birthday because he was the only one who ever gave me bunnies, my lifelong totem. Even though I have failed at everything I have ever undertaken, no doubt he would still patiently and supportively listen to my trials and tribulations.
This year for my birthday I got a once-in-a-lifetime gift: a leap second. I guess getting time is good, even if it is nothing but a man-made construct. Only humankind concerns itself with marking certain days like birthdays as noteworthy, a ritual that only sets us up for disappointment.
The moon tonight is bursting, bright, almost full, and slightly yellow like unsalted butter. I want to believe that somewhere on this planet my soulmate is also looking up appreciating that beautiful moon. It is probably a silly, hopeless thing to wish for, that there really is someone out there for me. But if this life is nothing but an endless struggle to eat, I don't see why anyone would want to keep playing. I want someone who makes me smile when I think of him, who makes my eyes light up when he walks in the room, and feels the same about me. I think that is what most of us want, though some probably care more about having the "right" person as far as appearance, social status, or religion. I don't believe you ever find what you need when you are looking, so I refuse to play the game and just go about the drudgery of my daily existence trying to hold onto a belief that fate will throw my match in my path when I least expect it. We shall see. Despite all experience to the contrary, somehow I continue to be a romantic, continue to believe in love and the power of that connection. I guess love is just a leap of faith. Pheromones collide, fairy dust gets sprinkled, and voila.
But at least I am blessed with the love of my sweet, loyal dog and two devoted, snuggly cats. They don't much have a choice, but nonetheless put up with whatever crazy plan I put them through. They are the heart of my heart and keep me going through all these revolutions of the sun.